The Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider inability to communicate among men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a break - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."